To accomplish this, he helps them decide what’s important on their wish list and then he is able to meet their needs. He gets a satisfied client! What he does is help the client better describe their dream which allows him to better meet their wishes.
On the farm, I often had to deal with some of the same issues with animals. They were out in the field having a big ole time, and when feeding time came, they had no interest in losing their freedom.
The other big problem with animals is your conversation with them is only one way. You know exactly what you want them to do, but they often don’t have a clue! No matter how much waving of your arms, shouting or screaming, they just do not understand! Getting them to the barn is quite a challenge.
If you have ever tried to make a mule, horse, chicken, cow or pig go straight to the barn; you have taken on a large and somewhat impossible task! Depending upon the animal, it may take quite a long time! I remember well, trying to get all of our beef cattle from the pasture straight to the barn. Once you got them moving, it was a lot easier to guide them, but getting them all to go in one direction was the first step!
When you think about this, it’s obvious that once again people and animals do have some things in common. Most of us know when something is wrong with a person’s behavior but often we don’t know how to fix the issue. We are also not good at communicating the issue to the other person. The challenge of being a leader is not to be a critic, but to find a way to explain your personal concerns that shows this person a better solution that might work for both of you.
Another friend, Mike Chiaramonte, learned about something called “I-messages.” He shared it with me. The approach has worked so well it was added to two different leadership classes that are now available nationally.
An “I-message” is an approach used to speak with people about their beliefs, feelings or values. They were originally developed by Dr. Hiam Ginott who was a noted psychologist and writer of the book “Between Parent and Child” in the early 1960’s. He learned that statements starting with “I” tended to be less provocative than those starting with “you”. He describes them as a three part message where you:
- State the problem, behavior, event and the person’s name.
- State your feelings about the behavior and its effects on you.
- State the consequences and ask for cooperation
Another example uses this format:
“When you” (explain their behavior and the event) “happens, I feel” (explain your feelings).
As an example, instead of saying, “Why were you late to our meeting?” which points to the other person as the problem; you should instead say, “When you arrive late to our meetings it impacts everyone and delays the start of our meeting. I feel that our meetings are not important to you. I need you to arrive on time.”
Anyone knows that when you constantly ask questions in a negative tone, the other person begins to stay on the defensive and is ready to argue with you at the drop of a hat.
By using the “I message” approach you invoke a better understanding with the person and allow for mutual respect. You also allow the person to take part in finding a solution instead of just being criticized.
This process takes some practice and forces you to deal with your feelings about the situation prior to discussing this with the other person. If you can, you should strive for positive “I” messages. You should support people when they are doing something right to let them know they were being observed. By complimenting people for such things, you encourage them to change their behavior. As an example you could say, “When you arrive early to our meetings (behavior), things seems to go smoother and there are less challenges (event). I feel you are a committed team member (feelings).
There are various Web sites that speak to this method. Do some research if you have an interest in this topic as it will be worth your time. If you do, you just might get your people into the barn a little quicker!